Tag Archives: relationships

Not all gifts are perfectly wrapped

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The other day I bought a gift for a very special person and asked the shop assistant if she would gift-wrap it for me. She agreed and asked whether the gift was for a male or female. “Female,” I replied. I didn’t pay much attention to her as she wrapped it and then out she came from behind the counter and handed me a bag. That’s when I noticed the wrapping and realised two things:

1. The wrapping did not suit my friend at all and

2. It failed to reflect what was actually within.

shop wrapped gift

shop wrapped gift

I remember feeling annoyed because I hadn’t bothered to pay any attention to the wrappings available, as I’m sure there were other choices. I left the shop feeling deflated after having been so pleased with the find. That night – you must believe me – I continued to fret about the gift and began doubting whether it was appropriate. By morning I had changed my mind and decided that I was not going to gift it all.

It was then I tore the wrapping away to expose its inner beauty. The gift was beautiful and I still loved it as much as I had when I first saw it and it did suit my friend as I had first assessed. My whole problem was the actual wrapping paper. I had failed to see beyond the exterior. It took so much away from what was inside. I decided that yes this was the gift for her and yes I would gift it after all. I rewrapped it leaving part of the gift exposed and tied it with a silk ribbon. The colours were better suited to my friend and the gift half exposed lived up to its whimsical shape and form.

gift rewrapped

gift rewrapped

Instantly I felt better about it both inside and out. The gift was finally exposed, it suited the wonderful person who would eventually receive it and it made me proud.

So why am I writing about a silly gift and its ill-suited wrapping?

Because it made me feel the same as when I meet students who don’t get the opportunity to shine. I spent many a sleepless night feeling anxious about students who just don’t love learning. As a teacher I feel that it’s my responsibility to ensure that all my students are given a chance to discover their gifts and talents and once that discovery is made to set up opportunities for them to shine.

We’ve all taught that student whom you just can’t seem to gel with. Who winds you up and makes you feel uncomfortable or annoyed, angry, or sometimes they make you feel you have failed as an educator. That student who constantly disrupts your class, back chats when reprimanded and fails to do any work at all. You’ve tried everything; had a chat with him after class, spoken to his other teachers, called home, perhaps dished out some consequences and still the behaviour continues.

Why?

Well, I think it’s simply because we haven’t torn away the inappropriate wrapping to discover that yes the real person is there. He has just been given an unfair wrap. We haven’t taken the time to learn him.

I encourage all of us to never give up on any of our students, no matter how difficult. Always believe in them, work hard to find the truth, to unearth their talents and interests and then give them as many opportunities as possible to shine. They’ll soon come round and the old wrapping will be disposed; the true beauty of their talents and abilities will shine but only with the love and support of a much better wrapping.  These are the strategies you teach them so they can become better learners.

You see, the shop assistant did not know my friend as I do and so the wrapping was all wrong. She didn’t really understand how much I loved that gift and hoped that my friend would too. So really it was my fault for not taking the time to let her know of the wonderful things I saw in the gift and of how much I really care for my friend. So I had to make an extra effort and exposed it for myself. It was only then that I felt I could share it with that friend and, well, celebrate together.

Thanks for reading 🙂

 

 

‘Salsa dancing’ into my second year p/t PhD: A MOOC reflection

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I just re-enrolled for 2016 (confidence) and promptly got a response that I hadn’t been successful in so doing (frustration) only to have a third email relay difficulties the university is having with re-enrolment processes and reassuring me that I had indeed been successful in re-enrolling (confusion). Phew! I remember thinking at the time – Really? I’m not re-enrolled? (fear) Is this a sign? (confusion again) Should I be re-thinking this? (and fear) But my good sense (more confidence) told me I should just let it go. If there’s one thing I’ve learned on MOOC #survivephd15 with @thesiswhisperer et al. is that everything I’ve felt, am feeling, will feel throughout my PhD journey has a name, some research to back it up, and strategies to deal with it (curiosity).

This week I’ve been reading Kristin Luker’s book Salsa Dancing into the Social Sciences (2008). I like how she writes. I can hear her saying the words, giggling when I do and reading seriously when I am. Infact the first chapter begins “I’m serious. Really I am.”

Me too!

Reflecting on my own blog posts about my PhD I can pretty much put a label on each entry. Everything I have written about fits into an emotion from the MOOC. Extraordinary!

In my first post about my PhD I discuss my reasons for beginning the journey itself:

This research is relatable – in fact it relates to a very important part of my memory and attitude to teaching and learning. I do this because I will never forget what it felt like to not understand what other people were talking about.

It’s personal.

Confidence

In my first blog about my journey beginnings I promptly announce that I have been preparing for this all my life. Now that’s confidence!

Frustration

There’s been plenty of frustration this last year, including potential supervisors telling me ‘you can’t do that type of research, just too much work.’ Reading between the lines it really meant “I’m too busy.” Luckily my existing supervisor who was very supportive helped me find my current supervisor -an inspiring individual who had no issue joining the team. In fact our team meeting just this week was a really fun and engaging learning experience!

Loneliness

Lonely? Are you kidding? Not anymore with my great new PhD mates on MOOC, twitter and facebook.  This experience has been terrific and I hope that it continues into the future. My final submission was an idea to begin a tweetchat using the #survivephd15 1st Thursday of every month beginning Dec 3, 2015 at 8:30 – 9.30 pm AEST. I’d be happy to moderate/ co-moderate and have guest moderators if anyone is willing

I have prepared the first three months worth  – 6 questions per chat with the themes of MOOC running through each but with a twist. More details will follow via social media as the time draws nearer. I do hope you will join me in helping to maintain the wonderful support network we have shared throughout the MOOC and retain it as a place to continue to post and share ideas and resources and even get a pat on the back or a supportive word when needed!

 

Fear

For me fear is a motivator – I work well under pressure.

Curiosity

curious_walt

Confusion

There have been plenty of times when confusion and self doubt creep into my thinking. The process of becoming continues and I think it’s just one of those things that will be just out of reach until perhaps one day I will be submitting my PhD and it will be good – no more confusion or self doubt. Well, at least until the next process begins.

Boredom

This post is part of the November #HDRblog15 challenge @debsnet announced as her final activity for MOOC. Never a dull moment. I look forward to sharing and hearing about all of our PhD journeys.

💜Love💜

Latte&notebooks

Thanks for reading 🙂

Boys have this thing…about learning: My NBEC2015 experience

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01_NBEC

NBEC tweets, diary, progam and pen

National Boys’ Education Conference (NBEC) at The Kings School in Parramatta, NSW.

Monday 5th October 2015

This afternoon I was fortunate enough to attend the pre-conference session at The King’s School. There were two sessions; the first facilitated by Dr Ed Dixon on Cognitive-Kinesthetics. Ed is a Canadian boys’ learning expert. His workshop was very much a hands on participatory and ‘fun’ way to spend a couple of hours. Boys need to WIN in our classes, using movement, game, humour, challenge, mastery and meaning can improve boys’ motivation. According to Dixon, these are the 6 secrets of boys’ learning.

janus-2

Janus -past & future

The second session explored the idea of Character Education. Dr Steve Middleton (The Kings School staff member) presented the double faced Janus figure from ancient roman tradition who looks to the past and also to the future. He spoke of the need for a personal development and awareness of self that helps develop the character of boys.

I want to see you game boys,
I want to see you brave and manly,
and I also want to see you gentle and tender.
Be practical as well as generous in your ideals.
Keep your eyes on the stars
and keep your feet on the ground.
Courage, hard work, self mastery, and intelligent effort
are all essential to a successful life.
Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual
and of nations alike

– Theodore Roosevelt

Tuesday 6th October

Dear Diary,

Today was the first official day of the conference.

Tim Hawkes (Headmaster of The Kings School) opened proceedings and officially welcomed delegates this morning: “Boys bring an energy and purpose to [schools]”

Li Cunxin (Mao’s Last Dancer) then mesmerised the crowd with his story; I couldn’t bring myself to take my eyes and heart from him, he was so magnetic. He had beautiful movements, wonderful expressions and his whole being in those shiny black shoes seemed to float around the stage arms raised and then clasped beautifully at his waist. He spoke of his childhood in impoverished China, being selected to learn ballet, his journey to America, through to his current responsibility as a husband, father and Artistic Director of the Queensland Ballet. Li’s honesty, integrity and dignity never faltered throughout.

02_NBEC_LI

Li Cunxin

 

My take home message; Our lives are not based on how long we live but on how we live our lives.

He encouraged us to raise our boys’ potentials to allow for the journey, to enjoy every step of the way and to keep aiming higher and higher. To work hard to realise what we are capable of and then some.

Professor Donna Cross had a hard act to follow but she delivered a powerful session looking at new social behaviours online, particularly the positive and negative impact on boys’ mental health. There were a couple of comments she made that really stuck with me:

  • teacher well being reflects student well being
  • we assess what we value and value what we assess (a plan for NAPSEL National Assessment Program for Social and Emotional Learning)s
  • on and off line for the young is seamless
  • boys on line gambling increasing at a quick pace
  • Adultelecence
  • “alcohol does to your brain what rain does to newspaper”
  • losing /watching weight more prevalent in boys 60%:55%
  • males less likely to seek formal help but will go to parents and friends -they are less likely to tell teachers!!

We then broke out into Lightning sessions where I chose to follow through with Relational Learning – 4 fast paced presentations about learning boys, relationships, enjoying school and Drama.

Dr. Simon Breakspear who presented a lively keynote on designing deeper learning in this digital age led the ‘siesta’ session. We cannot learn from someone else, says Breakspear, our learning must come from within. We must be more human, stop asking questions that can be answered using Google and Siri and start learning by doing.

Then into workshops again, did I tell you my head was pounding? This session was a little disappointing not because of what I chose but simply because the time was cut so short the presenter didn’t have a chance to get into the nuts and bolts and then it was time to leave.

I will remember this though:

P: “Oh you’re a secondary school teacher? What do you teach?”

T: “Children.”

And it still continued this first full day with Maile Carnegie and Joel Solomons holding the fort talking Google and educating the future. 

04_NBEC

Expeditions

 

The highlight was the presentation of the new program Expeditions built on inspiration of Google cardboard. They encouraged us to launch the boys into the magical ‘learning’ years to come.

Wednesday 7th October

Dear Diary,

I’ve literally just returned from the National Boys’ Education Conference (NBEC) at The Kings School in Parramatta, NSW. I mean literally -I am sitting in my hotel room at the desk my husband has been hogging for the last three days. He’s not back yet from work in North Sydney!

I’m feeling rather calm at the moment though yesterday my head was pounding. Many of the delegates seemed tired on the way out today but for me, I was feeling okay. Not sure why, maybe it’s because I’ve been before, and knew what a great learning experience it is or maybe I don’t have that anxiety of many of the delegates who have already flown out, left the hotel, rushed to the airport or driving home in time for school tomorrow. I feel peaceful. I feel I have lots to talk about and lots more to follow up.

Thursday 8th October

Dear Diary,

Sorry, never got to finish the blog, dinner and drinks were waiting! Now on my way out to the airport so…

bookshelf

Bookshelf

Friday 9th October

Dear Diary,

Back home now and just catching up on my adventures this week. The second and final day of the NBEC conference was just as good as the rest.

6 secrets

6 secrets of boys learning

 

First up this morning was an Ed Dixon comeback who revealed the 6 secrets of boys learning one at a time. This was followed by some more Lightning sessions, this time I attended the one on Mental Wellbeing – 4 power sessions including one facilitated by Glen Poole who attended and maintained a live blog during the conference. You can catch that one here.

The highlight of my day was the visit to the Prep School to watch the boys learning differentiated literacy.

05_NBEC_3pigs

Puppets for literacy learning

 

The two classes of boys were in ability groups working with three teachers and one teacher aide in an open plan learning space. There was activity going on wherever you looked. They were all learning and teaching fairy tales; in particular the story of the Three Little Pigs. There was a myriad of tasks through which the boys would eventually rotate from puppets telling stories, boys describing characters on Popplet then writing sentences, others completing writing tasks, building houses using Lego and colouring in pictures before ordering them to re-tell the story.

Wednesday’s ‘siesta’ session was the Workshops. I chose to attend Jill Sweatman‘s workshop “Fry my chips -not my brain!” She discussed the latest research in brain and education that looks at creating the right kind of environment to enhance learning.

And finally as at the beginning we come full circle; Tim Hawkes took to the stage for his last plenary keynote as Headmaster for the NBEC (he retires end of 2016). As always he gave a wonderful, dramatic and engaging session centred on ‘Who we are and what we say.’

Who are we? He asks.

We are Patrons, Professors, Prophets, Parents and Priests. We must be all these things to our boys. Teachers live forever, a little of us remains forever with our students, our children, our boys.

And so ended NBEC2015.

07_NBEC

Thanks for reading 🙂

I will survive my PhD

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thesis_big_argument

Inside front cover of my journal

Over the last five weeks or so I have been privileged, as have been many others from all over the world to be part of Inger Mewburn – The Thesis Whisperer’s MOOC course “How to survive your PhD” via EdX and ANU.

To date we have covered, amongst others, modules to do with Confidence, Frustration and Loneliness. Each module has related readings and videos to read and watch as well as a weekly periscope live chat, twitter feed and a myriad of Facebook pages that have been set up to assist in sharing resources, feelings, and whatever else we may need or seek. Sometimes we even get homework! Last week’s was to go out and meet up with other PhDs over coffee!

MOOC_coffee

Homework complete!

 

For me as an older PhD student, at 51, the MOOC course was something that I jumped at – not to mention – I love the Thesis Whisperer.

My favourite module to date has to be the Loneliness topic only because all of a sudden the social network seemed to have exploded as the course becomes ever more popular. I have had the opportunity to connect with great fellow PhD students including the ever growing Facebook page PhD Owls -Older, Wise Learners.

PhD Owls

My cup tipped for all PhD Owls

While there has been discussion in regards to whether loneliness is good or bad and if it needs to be cured at all. I feel there are instances where some ‘alone’ time is essential to all but especially to me as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, neice, friend, cousin, educator, learner, teacher, PhD student and a human being. Alone time allows for me to read out loud, to walk around the house with a book or my laptop, gesticulating and making weird expressions – now they know – without having to answer to anyone. I like breaking up my learning with cooking, cleaning, folding, washing, etc. – they call it procrasti-something (replace as required)! Right now I’m sitting at my kitchen bench having moved from the study, to the lounge, into the dining room and finally to here, all after having done three loads of washing, made our bed, stripped the one in the guest room, baked a chocolate cake, and put the dinner on. My friend cancelled lunch on me today and secretly I am quite happy as it’s given me more ‘me’ time. I miss catching up with my mate but just today it seemed better for me to stay in and just get on with things, including this post that I started early this morning -now almost 5:30 in the afternoon.

I haven’t really done too much PhD reading today but I’ll tell you what, I’ve thinking about what I read yesterday. This week is all about Freire and critical pedagogy. You may have come across my post on the PhD Owls Facebook page which got a whole lot more attention than I anticipated and hooked me up with a few others who were interested and/or contemplating Freire themselves. We even exchanged some resources. See, I’m not lonely -well at least not this week so much. I just figure my way of beating the loneliness factor is getting on MOOC and bam! I write this blog with the idea that someone may read and comment and get me thinking differently. That’s how I stay connected -oh – and did I mention twitter? I love twitter. ‘Hello my name is Jo and I’m a twitter addict.’

I felt like I was there with the MOOC gang last night during the live periscope chat on Loneliness, a little awkward that the meet up didn’t quite work out but it was a lot of fun from the ‘outside in’ anyhow. My favourite part is logging in early and listening in as Inger and the gang chuckle at posts and stick their head in view to tell me only 4 minutes till we start, but secretly we’ve started – it’s like my other favourite ‘thing’ to do – taking photos of people I love and care for while they are unaware. It tends to give them this whole new perspective and mostly it reveals how comfortable they are within themselves and when interacting with others.

There’s a party going on around them but these two have got their own little ‘festa’ going on…

Anyhow, I just wanted to give a shout out to all PhDs on MOOC and to The Thesis Whisperer and her gang of helpers just to let them know how much I am enjoying the course and the interactions on social media. I love telling non PhDs about it and watching them roll their eyes or laugh out loud or look at me like I’ve got two heads – Where do you find the time? I make it cause it’s worth it. I will survive my PhD. I am not an imposter. I am smart enough to get into a PhD and therefore I will come out with a PhD. I won’t be scared and I’ll try not to doubt myself. I will survive…wait…is that a song?

Thanks for reading 🙂

Gelatophobia – the fear of being laughed at

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furrowed brow

Furrowed brow to an Aspergerian with a love of numbers = 11! Nothing more.

 

I spent 5 hours in a big room on Friday with about 200 other guests listening to Tony Attwood talk about “Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorders. It felt like 30 mins. He is a very engaging speaker, with lots of wonderful real life stories and anecdotes collected over the last 30 years of working in the industry. Sue Larkey also spoke prior to each session – mostly it was a sales pitch but her introductory comments set the scene and revealed just how she does ‘get’ ASD kids.

I think there are many of us who ‘get’ them too! Part of knowing and understanding these kids is innate. There is a large component – that of empathy – the key to understanding and forming any sort of relationship with an Aspergerian. I often remind participants in my workshops that we need to walk in their shoes in order to understand where children, ALL children, are coming from. But you know -there’s more to it.

No two ASD kids are the same. There is not one strategy that works everytime. There is however, one thing that Sue Larkey reiterated yesterday that stuck with me. We must teach our ASD kids social skills as this is what will assist their survival out in the big wide world of society’s service industry. At school we often talk about preparing our students for what will come – but really what is that? What is coming? How will we know when it gets here?

campersASD -Aspergerians are “nature’s natural worriers” (Attwood), they have a different way of thinking that doesn’t include anything social. An Aspergerian, as Tony explained, is “someone who has found something in life more interesting than socialising.” And so we have to make exceptions.

Aspergerians don’t know unless you tell them. That said, one of the major challenges for Aspergerians is auditory processing. To remember means that Aspergerians have to experience it first hand. So how do we tell them? More importantly, how do they tell us?

One of the activities we were asked to do stands out. Tony asked that we work with a partner -one closed their eyes while the other was shown a slide and then asked to communicate the message without words.

The first was quite simple really, although my partner totally missed it as she put her cup down and had to play Chinese whispers with the lady two seats down from us!!

These are not word for word but the idea remains

I want my green shoes

The second was a little harder

Will you be here tomorrow?

The third even more

Where is my hat?

And last

There’s someone at the door to see you.

Give it a go with someone – it is really quite a difficult task but this is the frustration in communicating that Aspergerians deal with day in day out, not to mention our own frustrations in not undertsanding and the patience it takes to really get to know them as individuals.

no routine

via Caroline Kee / Via BuzzFeed

routine

via Caroline Kee / Via BuzzFeed

Processing time is an important element and one that causes much anxiety. Aspergerians need more time to process because they need to process the social, linguistic AND cognitive aspects of the communication. Many mainstream students already have the social and lingusitic skills and only need concentrate on the cognitive. Tony gave a detailed explanation of the functioning amygdala in ASD kids. We are all aware that the amygdala is the fight or flight compartment of the brain. It is connected to the sensory system and in ASDs it is enlarged and hyper-reactive because it doesn’t connect and warn the frontal lobe as in other non ASDs and so it leads to an ‘over-reaction’. On a scale of 1-10, 1 being calm, 10 being melt down, ASDs go immediately to 8 or 9 in these fight or flight situations.

One of my favourite lines of the day was “They are the last to know they are going to cry.” This really resonated with me. Tony explained how Aspergerians are not consciously aware of their feelings. While we receive signals through facial expressions and body language Aspergerian are not aware of these signals. This leads us to assume they lack empathy. This is not an accurate assumption as Tony continued…

The 3 forms of empathy are cognitive, emotional and compassionate. Cognitive is to know, to respond, to read signals such as those we take for granted through facial expressions. An Aspergerian fails to read these and so they get a bad wrap -but these are the same kids who give up their pocket money to help others. The emotional form, to feel, is revealed by our Aspergerians through their reactions -they react more explosively but don’t know it. Tony compared it a little to a cactus -the prickly exterior that protects the soft subtle insides. He spoke about a heart rate monitor in the form of ‘hip’ wrist watch that can monitor to ensure they see it coming – or at least- we can! The final form of empathy -compassion – the ability to respond and repair when for example someone is crying is revealed through what works for the Aspergerian in question, not necessarily for the person with the issue. Aspergerians don’t lack empathy, they just express it in a way that would make sense to them -so for example walking away from a sobbing parent is what they would want someone to do for them when they are crying.

They don’t lack empathy -we lack understanding.

pretendtobenormal

Ain Eineziz

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is soooooo much more I could write -but enough for now

Something to watch:

Oh just one more – The real ratio of Aspergerian boys to girls is 2:1. Girls are diagnosed later because they are much better at coping socially so they fly under the radar. They cope and camouflage through observation and imitation. Diagnosis comes during their teen years.

Thanks for reading 🙂